There will be times in your life where you have to set boundaries in order to grow. But setting boundaries can be such a liberating thing for your psyche.
With all of the Marie Kondo quotes about getting rid of the things that don’t spark joy, I’ve gotta say, I recently just removed myself from a situation that did not spark joy for me.
Guys, I gotta be honest here. Setting boundaries sucks sometimes. Setting boundaries for ourselves isn’t always fun. And they definitely don’t always feel good in the moment. But I think that when we set boundaries for our lives, we are allowing room for growth. When we set boundaries, we allow room for a change of pace, an increase in stability, a major jumpstart in healing, success for our future, etc.
One of the ways I have learned to set boundaries is by removing myself from a hurtful situation. A few months ago, I joined a Facebook group. This particular Facebook group prides itself in being safe from hateful conversations. The group believed in sharing experiences through open conversation that was meant to help people get out of hurtful situation. I joined the group because I honestly thought I was going to meet some great people and enjoy my stay.
Well, I quickly, very quickly, I learned that this particular group was not the group for me.
I once thought it was going to be a great opportunity to gain relationships and invest great energy in open conversation . But this group quickly stole the joy right away from me. Though, it did take me a while to fully understand what was happening.
I slowly started having pent up negative emotions about who I was as a person. In which case, the group became an unsafe environment for my psyche.
I’m not sure if you follow me on Instagram but a couple months ago, I made a post about protecting yourself. I woke up one morning with the mantra, “guard your space, guard your energy” and wrote it on my vanity mirror. This really spoke to me so I had to share it with my followers to maybe speak into their lives. But something happened over the course of the last couple of weeks where I had a lot of hurt from this particular Facebook group.
Something that I recently realized though, was that I was not guarding my space. I was not guarding my energy.
Cody and I were just having the conversation where every time I was involved with the group, I always felt like a crappy person. We talked about how there were certain people that were unable to understand where people were coming from if they had an alternative view on an issue. There were people who deliberately belittled everything I said and made me out to look like a bad guy.
You know, it’s wasn’t even a lack of trying to talk my problems out with the people I felt the most hurt from. I even made a public post where I shared some of my hurt and problems I saw within the group. And you know what happened? The admins locked the post so that people were unable to comment after a few people agreed with me.
Ever since then, I felt shut out. I felt like I didn’t matter in the group. There was literally no spark of my joy left. So I had to make a decision. I couldn’t keep myself in the group knowing that most of my interactions are accusations against my character. After having felt forced out for who I was as a person, I made the choice to leave the FB group altogether. I knew that being the FB group was detrimental to my mental health. So I felt like I had to take action so take back my mental health.
The way I see it, if someone makes you feel like a crappy person after you leave the conversation, the conversation is simply not worth having.
So I had to make the decision to guard my energy, guard my space, and more importantly, guard my heart. Life is like that sometimes. There are things that happen in our lives that we have no control over. But we always have the choice of how we allow those situations to mold and shape us.
You will always have the choice on how you react to people and you will always have the choice on how you feel about a particular person or situation. Just like my girl Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”.
Guys, nobody can make you feel less than if you don’t allow them to. I had to make the choice to set boundaries for myself to protect my psyche. It is so liberating to know that I have the ultimate control. I carry the power over how I feel about what other people say or think about me. Could I have stayed and possibly ignored the rude comments? Sure, I could have. But ultimately I would not hav enjoyed the possibility of giving someone the opportunity to accuse or belittle me again, at least not on that FB group.
Y’all. All that to say is this: sometimes we need to set boundaries for ourselves in order to grow. There will be times where you have to cut people out of your life, whether temporarily or forever if it causes you grief and pain. You simply cannot reach your full potential if you are allowing someone to hurt you over and over again.
So my question for you today is this: in what areas do you need to start implementing boundaries in your own life?